


Questio in Tenebris

by MythologicalHoe



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 1800s, Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, London, Magical Realism, Mutual Pining, Recovery, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Religious Intolerance, Rey Kenobi, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey needs a teacher, Slow Burn, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 21:30:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16900173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythologicalHoe/pseuds/MythologicalHoe
Summary: Kylo wished that he could just get a break, but that wasn’t going to happen. Especially under Snoke. Kylo knew that being under his tutelage would be something that was going to break him in the end, something he wouldn’t be able to handle in the slightest. He wasn’t worthy of the chance he got to learn and to perform, to be able to use magic and not be spat on by everyone else that didn’t have it, who weren’t cursed with being different.He worked to be worthy one day, because he knew that if he really stretched himself far enough, he would earn the approval that he needed and so desperately craved. That made sense to him. He reminded himself that he wasn’t worthy every morning, and worked to be worthy as he performed in front of more people and watched them marvel at things he could do and respect him.He loved it.





	1. The Great Show

Kylo wished that he could just get a break, but that wasn’t going to happen. Especially under Snoke. Kylo knew that being under his tutelage would be something that was going to break him in the end, something he wouldn’t be able to handle in the slightest. He wasn’t worthy of the chance he got to learn and to perform, to be able to use magic and not be spat on by everyone else that didn’t have it, who weren’t cursed with being different.

  
He worked to be worthy one day, because he knew that if he really stretched himself far enough, he would earn the approval that he needed and so desperately craved. That made sense to him. He reminded himself that he wasn’t worthy every morning, and worked to be worthy as he performed in front of more people and watched them marvel at things he could do and respect him.  
He loved it.

 

* * *

 

Magic was something that wasn’t illegal, but it wasn’t exactly looked at as something to be admired and revered by most people. And that’s why Rey was kicked out of her home at the age of eight, left to die in the streets because of something that she couldn’t change. She didn’t learn most of the things that she could do because she was more focused on staying alive. For some time she spent time doing hair, doing up their long tresses and getting by with the measly tips that the rich gave her.

 

She grew up skinny, her hair just in three buns. She wore ill fitting clothes that were the color of sand, and she was cold half of the time. But she was not bitter, because at least she was still alive.

  
She learned how to suppress her powers and live amongst people, even though she could be so, so lonely. She was alive. And she knew one day that that feeling would go away, hopefully. Now she was in a flat with Finn, someone who was about just as well off as she was, but they made it work together. The both of them had their secrets too, but Finn didn’t know Rey’s. Finn brought men home in secret, and even though Rey knew, she knew that it was better that she just turned a blind eye.

  
She kept his secret and he never asked her about any of her secrets. “Are you having a good morning?” Finn asked her one morning. The both of them were sitting in the dining area, Rey sipping at her tea and trying to wake up. It was incredibly cold inside but there wasn’t much in the way of things to warm them out.

  
“It always is,” Rey smiled. Finn sat down on the opposite side of her, sipping at his own cup for the longest time. The two of them often sat in silence, but it was the one time where Rey didn’t feel so alone. These days they were both working as hard as they could and could barely afford the place they were both living in together. That meant that Rey didn’t get to see the person that Rey deemed her best friend.

  
Still, Rey tried to stay grateful. She would do hair for royalty and for the middle class, anyone who was generous enough to get her a job. She even helped Paige, a seamstress with an upcoming shop, but the pay wasn’t nearly as good as the ones from her other clients. Rey was someone who was naturally gifted with things such as makeup, hair, and clothes, and if she thought about it enough, it was probably due to her magic trying to find a way to push itself out there that Rey excelled in such thing.

  
It was hard however to stay grateful on days where she did not have any work to do, but Finn had to go away for the day. It was cold this day but Rey roamed the streets, in search of entertainment that wouldn’t cost too much money.

 

There wasn’t much in the way of that, that was until she heard whispers in the street from the rich. Talking about some sort of tent that was set up in the middle of nowhere, full of curiosities and freaks that were fun yet atrocious to look at. Rey wasn’t sure how she felt about that, but she followed the whispers anyways.

 

She found a tent of red and white, it was immaculate, despite the smoke that inhabited London and the rest of the UK.

 

It had this weird draw to it that Rey couldn’t really explain, but she went in anyways. It was a different place, one that seemed so enigmatic and strange. Rey sat amongst the crowd of people as someone came out, calling himself the Ringmaster.

He had dark raven black hair and was so, so tall. He spoke with an American accent and Rey wondered if this type of thing was typical in America. He spoke of wonders and atrocities and then spoke of himself, a freak of nature as well. He had magic.

  
Rey saw the crowd ooh and aah and wished that her parents had treated her like this when she was found out to have magic. Instead, it was with shunning and cruelty. But she supposed that was just the hand she had been dealt. The Ringmaster made fire appear out of thin air, and Rey blinked, not sure what to do or what to think, but the enchantments and theatrics began, and everyone loved it. Including Rey.

  
She wasn’t sure that was what she wanted to feel about that. The fact that they just accepted the magic that was displayed in front of them, but when they went out into a real world setting, they decided to hate people that were different than him.

Everyone left but Rey still lingered along the circus tent grounds for a minute, thinking about the man that she saw. She left after awhile, but she still wished that she talked to him.

* * *

Kylo had been surrounded by tons of people that were cursed with magic and it's price. He knew their signatures well. There was one that watched him in the crowd that night, but her signature was much different.

 

It was overpowering really, a pulsing force that radiated outwards despite how contained it was. He caught a glimpse of her as she left. She was repressing her magic, he could tell. 

Something about this bothered him, even though that girl was a stranger. He felt her now, even when she left hours ago. Something told him they would meet again. 

 


	2. Coughing Up Blood

_ The police collapsed to the ground and Rey dropped to the ground, something metallic in her mouth. She spat out blood, the crimson bleeding into the white snow under her hands. “What the hell did you do?” Finn asked. He looked at her like she was a monster, and Rey felt tears prick her eyes. “You have magic?” Rey felt like she was going to faint, but she didn’t. She watched Finn alienate her.    _

 

* * *

 

Rey woke up, sweat beating down her brow. She felt nauseous, so, so nauseous. She got up almost immediately and went to the bathroom, throwing up in the pail next to the toilet. There was blood in the pail, but she couldn’t do anything about that right now. Rey got up, and went outside. Deciding to get some fresh air despite the temperature. 

 

He was there. The Ringmaster. She didn’t want to say anything to him, just went past him and kept walking down the street. Something that probably wasn’t the smartest decision at night time. “I wanted to talk to you,” He called out to her. She kept walking. Why was he there? She didn’t know why he was there. “You have magic.” Rey stopped in her tracks. She was suddenly starting to feel nauseous again. She turned around to face him. 

 

“How could you know that?” She asked him. 

 

“I have magic too, but you already knew that.” Rey bit her lip, remembering the performance from two nights before. “People who have magic, they’re drawn to each other. Supposed to recognize each other.” He took a step closer to her. Looming figure that was still in his costumed jacket. 

 

“I don’t want to—” 

 

“Just because you don’t want to have magic doesn’t mean that you can deny the fact that you have it.” He told her. “You’ve been holding it in, that’s bad for you.” 

 

“I don’t, why should I listen to you? I don’t even know your name.” She wanted to turn away from him again but something was holding her in place. Like four walls that were constricting in on her at this very moment. 

 

“Kylo,” He smirked, and something in Rey heated up. She wasn’t sure what though. “I felt your magic the day you came and watched the show. All of that power built up inside you,” He didn’t touch her, he was only centimeters away though. Rey felt uncomfortable in his presence, in fact, the closer he got the more she thought about punching him square in the jaw and making a run for it. He seemed to sense this thought in her and slinked away a bit, putting a more comfortable distance between the two of them. “You need to let it out.” 

 

“Well, Kylo.” Rey told him. “I am doing just fine without using it and I don’t plan on it either. I have a life and I plan to keep it the way it is. Don’t get me wrong.” She told Kylo, “I get that what you’re doing is important and everything. Normalizing magic and making acceptable to normal people. But not everyone can do that. I just want to live my life, blend in.” His face contorted for a second, like he wasn’t used to rejection. And then he looked genuinely concerned. 

 

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” He told her. “If you don’t use it. Your body will begin to expel it. In violent outbursts, in sickness, and it won’t be fun. I can tell you for a fact that I have experienced this myself. You don’t want to go through what I did.” 

 

“Why do you care? You don’t know me.” 

 

“I am especially invested in people like myself,” He said, “they’re hard to come by.” Something in his voice went soft, and Rey wondered if he was trying to enchant her. She took a step back. 

 

“Leave me alone.” 

 

“Okay.” Kylo said, “But I have one question for you?” 

 

“And what is that?” She shouldn’t have been indulging this man any further than she already had. 

 

“Have you already started coughing up blood?” 

* * *

 

_ Kylo Ren wasn’t always this way.  His real name was Ben Solo, and he was royalty. Part of the Tsas family and a long lineage of Skywalker blood. There was a lot of weight on his shoulders, being the son of a king and queen that he couldn’t live up to. That was until the day that he was alone, the shadows in his room were encroaching on him. He felt sick, and he didn’t know why.  _

 

_ Everything was hot and he felt dizzy. He didn’t know why he was feeling this way, until something happened. Fire spurted out in columns, engulfing his room in flames. Kylo had never felt more afraid in his life. _

 

* * *

 

“Yes,” There was no point in lying, Kylo still would have been able to tell. He stared at her for a minute, knowing that she would be stubborn and not want to talk about it any further. 

 

“I will be here for the rest of the month,” He told her, “if you want to talk, then please come back. I will talk with you. Don’t be afraid,” There was an odd energy between the two of them. “I feel it too.” With that he left, and Rey was left sitting there in the cold and dark. She felt so afraid. Maybe it was the fact that she didn’t know what was going to happen. 

 

The street lights flickered and Rey fell to her knees, not caring about the skin that broke and started bleeding. The glass broke, and the fire went out. Leaving her completely in the dark. The dream she had had earlier that night started flickering around her, the images getting more and more intense. She pushed herself up again before she felt sick, and made her way back to the house. She got inside, closing the door and locking it. Her hands shaking as she did so. She dropped to the floor before she could get to her room. 


End file.
